If you’re like me, then around New Years is the time you re-evaluate your life and feel guilty about everything and all your life choices. Vowing to change, you start the new year…then kind of just keep doing what you’re doing. I’ve decided to start thinking about stuff I want to change now and see if I can get it up and running BY January, so then when all my relatives/friends/strangers ask what my New Years resolutions are, I don’t have to say ‘going to the gym more’. I can say, ‘good posture.’ (It’s important!)

Anyway, I’ve compiled a list of Christmas songs with slight tweaks reminding people of reasons to quit, so when you hear them, you’ll think of this list, and maybe it will help you quit smoking! That’s the goal. Well really your goal is whatever you make it, but that’s what I had in mind when I made this up, and that’s how long the songs (thank god) will play. Good luck, and I hope you like these changes. Also if you think of more, write them in the comments and I’ll add them to the list! Try me, I will. (Also it’s hard not to be morbid/preachy when talking about anti-smoking, so bear with me and take these with a grain of salt- especially the ones about grandparents. And cancer. Yikes.)

• Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire- An interesting thing about chestnuts, is that when they roast over an open fire, they are not a carcinogen

• Frosty the Snowman- would melt if he was a smoker

• Where Are You Christmas- Where is my money? In the cash register at the convenience store closest to my house

• I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas- I’m dreaming of White Teeth

• Santa Claus is Coming to Town- Not if he can’t find it…due to the smog in the air (this is just pollution in general really)

• Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer- which was the least of her problems, because she’s smoked a pack a day since she was 24

• Feliz Navidad- Dejar de Fumar!

• Silent Night- well it would be without all this coughing

• All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth- This one doesn’t really need changes

• Winter Wonderland- Let’s make this wonderland white because of snow, not billows of smoke

• Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer- Grandpa the red nosed human

• The Twelve Days of Christmas- Twelve step programs are how you quit stuff! Like smoking!

• We Need a Little Christmas- We need a little less nicotine in our bloodstream, right this very minute

• Here Comes Santa Claus- Here Comes the Hospital Office

• Let it Snow, Let it snow, Let it snow- Be benign, be benign, be benign

• Twas the Night Before Christmas- Twas the Night Before an Invasive Corrective Medical Procedure

Phew. Now you’re ready to quit and Mariah is proud.