Just wanted to give you all a quick update as we transition to Forget Tobacco. We’ve got a new name, new mission, new campaigns, new website and more on the way!

There is a special energy in the air and our team is super excited to share it with you. For the latest on Forget Tobacco and our new campaigns, hit the follow button on twitter and like us on facebook. I can’t wait until the transition is complete!

-Chad Bullock, President

Anyway, I’ve compiled a list of Christmas songs with slight tweaks reminding people of reasons to quit, so when you hear them, you’ll think of this list, and maybe it will help you quit smoking! That’s the goal. Well really your goal is whatever you make it, but that’s what I had in mind when I made this up, and that’s how long the songs (thank god) will play. Good luck, and I hope you like these changes. Also if you think of more, write them in the comments and I’ll add them to the list! Try me, I will. (Also it’s hard not to be morbid/preachy when talking about anti-smoking, so bear with me and take these with a grain of salt- especially the ones about grandparents. And cancer. Yikes.)

• Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire- An interesting thing about chestnuts, is that when they roast over an open fire, they are not a carcinogen

• Frosty the Snowman- would melt if he was a smoker

• Where Are You Christmas- Where is my money? In the cash register at the convenience store closest to my house

• I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas- I’m dreaming of White Teeth

• Santa Claus is Coming to Town- Not if he can’t find it…due to the smog in the air (this is just pollution in general really)

• Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer- which was the least of her problems, because she’s smoked a pack a day since she was 24

• Feliz Navidad- Dejar de Fumar!

• Silent Night- well it would be without all this coughing

• All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth- This one doesn’t really need changes

• Winter Wonderland- Let’s make this wonderland white because of snow, not billows of smoke

• Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer- Grandpa the red nosed human

• The Twelve Days of Christmas- Twelve step programs are how you quit stuff! Like smoking!

• We Need a Little Christmas- We need a little less nicotine in our bloodstream, right this very minute

• Here Comes Santa Claus- Here Comes the Hospital Office

• Let it Snow, Let it snow, Let it snow- Be benign, be benign, be benign

• Twas the Night Before Christmas- Twas the Night Before an Invasive Corrective Medical Procedure

Phew. Now you’re ready to quit and Mariah is proud.

Hipsters. Hipsters. Hipsters.

No one really knows what this means, who these people are and why they love oversized glasses so much. It’s definitely a negative term, no one with any self respect self-identifies as a hipster yet they are wheeling around on their fixed gear bikes EVERYWHERE.

There’s even a helpful website so my dad can identify them here . There are so many different kinds. But one thing they (mostly) all have in common aside from drinking PBR through their handlebar mustaches (even some of the girls).

They have taken to smoking like chimneys. This is because of two things: one of the single identifying characteristics of Hipsterdom is an overwhelming apathy for life in general. As evinced in a popular online video showcasing the 2007 “Hipster Olympics” they take pride in not caring about anything. Therefore smoking is seen as, “cool” because it is an indication you don’t care about your health OR two, because it has been adopted as a defining characteristic of someone’s personality. This is the more disturbing of the two. (Though it’s close).

Cigarettes have become an accessory to many people; a requisite something that you show off to make people think a certain thing about you. Brands of cigarettes have sadly become indicative of certain groups of people. Whether it’s American Spirits for hippies, Virginia Slims for over-lipsticked women in their forties (no offense), Lucky Strikes forwar vets, Menthols for African-Americans, Marlboros for white guys, or Parliaments for hipsters, people seem to have adopted cigarettes as a way for others to identify what kind of person they are.

If I could have three wishes for the future they would be: That the world could figure out all of its environmental issues before we extinct ourselves, that Arrested Development would be uncanceled, and that cigarettes never stand proxy for actual coolness.

knowing each other for all of twenty minutes and sharing this bonding experience (we both drink Coke! It’s meant to be) they go to a random room, hotel or otherwise, to consummate this deep connection. In an artful scene full of bed sheets and shallow moans, they sort of roll around and when they’re done, one of them or both of them reaches over to light a cigarette in bed. And it’s very ‘sexy.’

Now, the reason I was able to paint the scene for you so gracefully and vividly (you’re welcome, thank you) is because I’ve seen it literally a hundred times. Between Daniel Craig signing on as the new James Bond and Don Draper hamming it up (get it?) in Mad Men, The year whatever you call 2000’s is embracing this clichéd 50’s idyllic man. Now at the time when this archetype (the sexy, stoic, smoker) was created, it wasn’t a cliché, it was just the truth. People didn’t know the harms of cigarettes and essentially everyone smoked them. All the time. My parents lived in New York in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. They told me so. BUT NOW as time has progressed this has died down and the people we see doing it, especially in movies, is for a certain calculated effect.

We’ve (I’ve) grown up in a time that embraces awkwardness. Kristin Wiig reigns supreme on SNL as many awkward characters, most notably Penelope, a fluttering story topper who cannot let go of her own curls and visions of grandeur. She also can’t sustain a conversation with another person for more than two minutes,  conveniently the length of each sketch.

One of the most popular movies in the past decade was Juno, a coming of age/love story revolving around two characters who unlike most romantic silver screen couples before them, instead of sappy sweet or clichéd (there’s that word again) dialogue are almost unable to say anything to one another and seem to share endearing silences as their primary form of communication.

Even the word, “awkward” has come en vogue: from tweens saying it with the sass only someone without a drivers license can, to one of the biggest brands in the world, MTV, creating a new show solely about this concept titled, you guessed it: “Awkward.”

This is not for no reason (why yes, I was an English major in college) these movies/shows/characters are popular because we as a generation are awkward. We’re the first generation to grow up with a lot of the technological advances that have come around, so we’re the first guinea pigs going through life with these things. People my age don’t really go on dates. They hang out, and hook up, but the only people who go on dates are people already in relationships (usually- I’m speaking generally). If you have a friend that you hang out with all the time and then you hook up, what is that? It’s awkward, that’s what it is. No one’s going to come to your house and ask your dad if he can take you out on a date anymore. He’s going to send you an ambiguous text you’re going to spend a few hours mulling over, and the two of you might hang out alone at night but good luck getting on the same page with that one. It’s gonna be weeks before you get an even remotely vulnerable statement of intent, maybe something eloquent like, “I kinda like you.” Cue the violins.

What does this have to do with smoking in movies you ask? WELL let me tell you. People our age don’t know how to be sexy. Being sexy is being confident; it’s as simple as that. But when you’re a big ball of insecurities held together by South park references and eyeliner the confidence isn’t exactly overflowing. (For boys please substitute some Justin Timberlake cologne for the eyeliner. The South park references stay the same).  Now I’m not saying we don’t all get there, we do. But maybe when we’re thirty, and that’s a long ways away. So in the meantime, we all just want to be sexy but we don’t really know how. Here’s where the cigarettes come in. A cigarette is a prop. If you’ve done any theatre at all (but why would have?) you know that a prop is extremely helpful onstage. It’s something you can hold onto while you try not to shit yourself. Well, alright- it’s something that aids you in what you’re ultimately trying to do. For example, it’s a lot easier to seem menacing if you’re holding a gun and it’s a lot easier to seem sexy when smoking a cigarette.

Okay so hopefully you’re with me that people want to seem sexy and smoking does that so people do it, but why does it seem sexy to smoke? Well, I have a guess and I will tell you. As I stated earlier, being sexy is just being confident. While you can do this many ways, one of the ways to appear confident is to appear like you don’t care, or to be carefree. This makes people think you’re above all the normal social pressures of a situation and are gliding along in a cloud of self-fulfillment and happiness. Obviously this is rarely the case, but that’s what it looks like. Because we are at a point where everyone knows how bad smoking is for your health, now when people smoke one assumes they know the risk but chose to do it anyway. It sends the signal they don’t care. This is how cigarettes become synonymous with sexy. It’s not an intrinsic link, it’s the simple fact that because people know smoking is so dangerous, by smoking you’re sending a signal that on some level you don’t value your own well-being. Because thinking about being healthy, and doing the right thing is something that worries people, by choosing not to, people who smoke send out a message of slight recklessness that reads, “I don’t care” or “I’m careless” or “I’m sexy make out with me behind this dumpster.”

But the important thing to take from all of this is, do not punish your body for the rest of your life because you’re awkward right now.  Because by the time it actually catches up to you it’ll be an addiction and completely unsexy- there’s a reason they don’t show old people smoking in movies. (Except Lifetime movies, but they have no boundaries).

So BASICALLY, yes it is a huge temptation to start smoking for the unconscious (or conscious) desire everyone has to be cool, calm, collected and dare I say ‘sexy’ in social situations but in the long run, it’s completely not worth it. Also you have to find your own niche- find what works for you. – For Marilyn Monroe it was white dresses, blonde hair and red lipstick, for Tina Fey it’s glasses and one-liners. Everyone’s different. But for no one is it rolled up tobacco, chemicals and lung cancer.

One of seven. Not that difficult to remember all of them. Then there was when Herman Cain referred to Wolf Blitzer as, “Blitz.” Twice. Then apologized and corrected himself with, “Wolf.” Nope, you just didn’t know his last name. The man facilitating the presidential debate you’re in. Who’s one of the most famous reporters in the world. Also John Huntsman invented the word, “joblessness” somewhere in these two hours. Oh and when asked about what kind of profiling he meant in airports as part of the anti-terror efforts, Ron Perry stated very clearly, “Muslims.”  Michelle Bachman just looked like Tilda Swinton in The Chronicles of Narnia the entire time (Tilda Swinton plays the evil ice queen, for those of you unfamiliar with the C.S Lewis series).

Another gem was when Mitt Romney was talking about budget cuts and said, “nearly half a trillion dollars, 500 million dollars…” Half a trillion dollars is 500 BILLION dollars, no wonder this budget isn’t getting balanced if a presidential candidate can’t do simple math regarding THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY anyway I digress. Back to Ron Paul.

In a statement saying that we should end the ‘War on Drugs’ asserting that it was expensive and essentially doing nothing, especially in comparison to other programs that could get the money and manpower of that operation. He THEN followed that to say the most dangerous drugs that cause the most bodily harm and death are legal, such as alcohol. AND TOBACCO!!! He didn’t explicitly say tobacco it must be noted, but talk about relevance. Afterwards, Mitt Romney went on to declare, “This is a party” in reference to America. Explaining why immigrants want to come here.

‘I think it has something to do with political oppression and starvation, but yes. I will take party also,’ says America, when asked to give a quote on this statement.

Party on Mitt. Party on Garth.

Let me paint a picture for you. You’re wearing a tight tank top with some sort of animal on it. You’ve got your white iphone and you’re playing angry birds in the corner of a party you just got to. It’s your freshman year of college, you’re at your first party and your roommate is already making out with someone on a dirty couch. There’s people playing beer pong and “Yeah” by Usher (and every other prominent rapper of 2004) is pumping out of some sub-par speakers. You want to talk to someone, but you don’t know anyone (except for your roommate who is now sharing the inside of their mouth with someone in skinny jeans). What do you do?

Social smoking is having that “occasional” cigarette when others are as well, usually when drinking or in a relaxed social situation. (Think the end of Superbad). It’s an action to help you make friends or set the ball rolling. Let’s be realistic though, we all know that the cigarettes don’t do the talking! (Tobacco companies are probably trying to figure that out now..)

A while ago I found a pack of cigarettes in a drawer of a friend of mine who at the time was starting his freshmen year of college. (Along with some other questionable items I’m not gonna mention in this article) I asked him the logic behind this brilliant idea this drawer was made of wood for gods sake (sarcasm – it ain’t for the weak), and he said, ” It helps me meet new people, if I ask them for a light or cigarette… or I listen for people who needed a lighter or cigarette.” But I knew he didn’t smoke regularly or even enjoy it. Luckily, for his lungs, throat and stomach (womp womp) he stopped before he got in the habit of smoking socially.  An addiction starts as a habit. Smoking every time you drink feels less intense than smoking a pack a day or a lighting a cigarette first thing when you wake up, but in actuality, the damage is comparable.  I know that my friend is not the only one out there who tries to meet people through the act of smoking.  The more you do something, no matter what the reason, the more likely you are to pick up that habit in the long run.

We all know it’s awkward trying to meet people, kind of like when someone is waving, but it’s to the person behind you. And you wave back. And sometimes say “Hi” out loud.  Think of more ways to break the silence instead of asking “Hey, wanna smoke cigs?”(Not like you would ask that, we know you’re all eloquent individuals). In the meantime though, I tried to answer the questions a social smoker consids when they decide to pick up this habit:

1. Is smoking only when I drink at parties really that bad for me?
2. How do I talk to ladies/dudes I think are hot without being creepy?
3. When is Mariah Carey going to make her comeback?
4. How do I meet people I don’t know easily without some major commitment like joining a club or getting involved in other areas of campus life? (which are both great ways to meet people by the way)

Well, thankfully I have scoured all the resources at our disposal and have some answers.

1. Is smoking only when I drink/at parties really that bad for me? Social smoking is not only bad for you in itself, but it for many cases turns into regular smoking over time. The damage from even one cigarette is swift and irreversible, so each one counts. One cigarette increases the stiffness in your arteries by 25%. This makes your heart work harder. A study done at McGill university reads, “even light smoking in otherwise healthy people damages the arteries, compromising the ability to cope with physical stress, such as climbing stairs.” The article goes on to explain the damage to the blood vessels and how smoking immediately restricts the flow of blood to the heart. Every time you smoke it changes your body for the worse! Also, aside from any health factors, cigarette companies and big tobacco get hundreds of thousands of dollars every year from people who buys packs “just for parties” we don’t want that!
2.  How do I talk to ladies/dudes I think are hot without being creepy? Bond over a shared experience. That way it seems like you both have something in common! Not like you are seeking them out, putting you in an inferior i.e. vulnerable position. Simple observations will do this just fine. Someone almost falling is the perfect situation for you to talk to someone, because then in comparison not only do you look especially coordinated and composed just by managing to sit in a chair correctly, but you seem like a nice person if you express concern. But this a rare gift from the heavens, and most of the time we can’t all be that lucky. For example, you are at a party, and there is a young woman (who I’m sure you respect as a person and simply want to discuss career goals with) next to you. Honestly pick out anything you want, and think of a compliment/question you want to say about it. This brings me to my next point, lying. Lying gets a bad rap. Obviously big lies are bad, don’t go around telling everyone your cousin is that actor from that thing, or that you can chug a gallon of milk (this can have potentially dangerous consequences) but little lies to get the ball rolling are totally fine. For example, sometimes if I want to meet someone I will look at them for a long time kind of confused, then when they look at me, I’ll be like, “You look exactly like my friend from home, it’s so weird” THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR LIFE. Also then you’re kind of in a good position because you just inadvertently told them that they are weird. Upper hand. Then you can shake your head at yourself and your momentary lapse of craziness, which assures them you are a normal person who understands social norms and be like, “Sorry, I’m (your name here). What’s your name?” And look at that, you’re talking. Also little lies, like getting super excited and being like, “Ah! I had that backpack in third grade!! That backpack was my shit!” Again, they don’t know what backpack you had in third grade, you’re cooking with butter now.
3. When is Mariah Carey going to make her comeback? Nobody knows. And that’s the scary thing. Maybe never. What if we never get “Anytime You Need a Friend” Mariah back? It’s things like this that make the world a scary place. Watch the video here for old time’s sake.
4. How do I easily meet people that I don’t know? Meeting people just to be friends with them is sometimes harder than meeting someone you think is “so hotttttttttt.” Usually it’s daytime, you’re probably in a well-lit area, etc. So obviously the gem I gave you two questions up works really well always, but this is more to get yourself in a social situation, to take the place of standing outside smoking. Okay obviously if you have any kind of animal this is a gold mine. Kids in college are so starved for animal love they will pounce on anything that moves that’s shorter than four feet. Children, animals, midgets, etc. If you have an animal, take that thing outside and sit with it and people will flock to you. Take a book outside and read somewhere. Any kind of solitary activity that you can do and look occupied, like reading, drawing, holding a guitar, etc. is good because it makes you look like an interesting person who spends their time doing interesting things. But it gets you in a public place where people are. You can then also talk to people in the near vicinity and ask them questions like, “what time is it?” or, “do you know the date?” Stimulating questions like these will score you many friends in no time. Jussssst kidding. Obviously there will be work. It’s really f*ing hard to meet people. That’s why you grow so much in college because you go through all this stuff that you already went through and you do it all over. There’s no magic fix, but also it’s not worth it to pick up a lifelong health threatening habit just to do something you would eventually do anyway. (You’re going to make friends in college, trust me. You’re a good looking kid, you got a lot going for you).

If you’re going to start doing something you wouldn’t normally do to meet people, it might as well be something that will help you in the long term not hurt you. For example learning how to ride a unicycle. If I saw someone wheeling around on one of those, I would try to befriend them immediately.

Good luck and let me know how you’re meeting people. For all the dudes, getting a lady is a whole other post.

The president has struggled with smoking since he was in college at Occidental University. For the past few years he has been trying to quit, chewing nicorette gum throughout most of the campaign and even showing signs of “Nicotine Replacement Therapy” on his physical last year. His wife (gawgous Michelle) even asked for the public’s help in a past joint interview with the couple on 60 Minutes.

The President has been consistently open about his struggle saying that he has, “fallen off the wagon” in the past and has always discussed candidly with the public and press his history with the habit.

He has hinted that what made the difference stick this time is that his daughters are now at an age (Malia 12, Sasha, 10) where they can look at their father’s choices in a somewhat objective manner and chose to question or emulate them.

I think it’s very difficult to tell someone you love not to do something if you do it. My dad smoked until I was eight and I know that one of the biggest reasons he finally quit was because my brother and I started to get to an age where we challenged him about it and asked him questions (thank you DARE). This is a wonderful development for his lungs, his daughters, and all the people he is a role model to. Also I think it says a lot that quitting smoking is something the leader of the free world has problems with- it’s very hard, and it’s hard for everyone. So if you know someone trying to quit encourage them in any way you can, and if you are trying to quit- keep on keeping on, you have more people’s support than you know.

Obama: Yes we CAN. You did, and we can too. I love everyone.

Some of the big ones are that Walt Disney was a satanist, a pornographer, an anti-semite,

cryogenically frozen, and that his last words were “Kurt Russell” (TRUE). Whether or not any of these are true, I can’t really say- but I can say that he died at the age of 65 from lung cancer after being a smoker his whole life. This is so sad, not only for him, but who KNOWS what he would have done if given more time in the world. And how many more birthdays he would have had.

All kids who watch Disney movies are probably geniuses bursting with gifts for the world (I’m including myself in this). And we don’t want their life spans to be shorter for any reason: Not an overweight octopus woman trying to sabotage their marriage, or an evil emperor trying to steal their genie to rule the kingdom, or an evil voodoo shadow man to trick them into giving up their soul (that’s right, I saw Princess and the Frog, I keep up with my Disney) or cancer of any kind. HOWEVER it is proven that kids who are exposed to smoking in movies are almost THREE TIMES more likely to start smoking than those who aren’t, and up until the late seventies there was not a conclusive public opinion that smoking was bad for you. So smoking is very much a part of many childhood classics!! Mostly through the depiction of pipes and cigars (think the native americans in Peter Pan and the dad in 101 Dalmatians. Actually everyone in 101 Dalmatians). 

There’s a wonderful movie made by Smokescreeners.org of most of the instances of smoking in Disney movies, you’ll be surprised how many it actually is. Smokescreeners.org is an organization that monitors smoking in movies, (because they know the large influence it has) and uses a rating system (0-5 butts) to convey the amount of smoking in a particular movie.  For example, Live Free of Die Hard is a smoke free movie (with a rating of zero butts)- which I’m glad to hear because I f’ing love that movie. It seems like it’s been a while since they posted/got new reviews-Live Free or Die Hard came out in 2007… -so if you wanna do one you should submit it- BUT ANYWAY here’s the smoking in Disney movies it’s three minutes and thirty seconds down a smoky memory lane- Watch this clip

Obviously no one wants to stop watching Disney movies (duh) but it’s important to be aware of what you/your siblings/random children are exposed to, because it’s so easy to not notice. Also if you’re watching with someone little you might just wanna prep them before you watch. While you watch. After you watch. Wheneva. Whateva. (Shakira Shakira) 

In the meantime, be a Disney princess for Walt’s Birthday! None of them smoke! Except Ariel out of a pipe once I think. But she doesn’t have legs, so clearly she has bigger problems.

I loveee Halloweeeeennnn. Even though every time I’ve tried to trick or treat since 2004, RUDE adults have made some comment about how I’m too old. First of all no one is too old for free candy, and secondly you already bought that value bag of assorted tootsie rolls, so stop whining and put one in my pillowcase. Why would you try to crush my spirit? Do you want toilet paper all over your lawn? Don’t think I won’t. I wouldn’t be remiss for pranking anyway, that’s the point of Halloween DUH. You literally announce it. It’s “TRICK or treat” not, “Insult me and I’ll accept it, or treat.” Anyway.

This year I’m going to wear a large purple robe and be The Color Purple, the classic book by Alice Walker but more specifically the 1985 drama starring Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, Danny Glover, and countless other talented actors. It’s going to be great.

Speaking of costumes, (how often do you get to say that?) When I was trying to think of good ideas for costumes, I came up with so many good ones! I Thought I should share them here because, don’t you want to combine anti-smoking education with this death-themed holiday? Seems appropriate.

1. Yellow Teeth

This can be fun! Just wear all yellow. Then when people ask what you are, you say: “yellow teeth.” It’ll be hilarious trust me. Also if you wanna get supah creative up in this costume, you could always cut a hole in the top of a big cardboard box that you paint a big yellow-y disgusting smile onto, for the full effect. This can also be a double purpose costume, because not only can you use the costume to warn of some of the less hazardous effects of smoking, you can straight up just remind people to brush their teeth.

This might not seem like it needs repeating especially to audiences who have (hopefully) been brushing their teeth on a regular basis for upwards of eighteen years now, but Halloween is a special circumstance my friends. On one night you probably consume the same amount of sugar as an Oompa Loompa in the Chocolate Factory. (and for you naysayers who are going to reason- they work there, realistically they probably don’t eat that much candy because they’re sick of it by now- to you I would say a. no one gets sick of candy and b. it’s an analogy, so calm down). Back to Halloween. Your teeth are about to take the ultimate sugar beating, so I would recommend brushing your teeth three maybe even four times throughout the night. You can even bring those finger tooth brushes they use for dogs if you’re feeling adventurous.

2. Ghost of Cigarettes Past

This one requires knowledge of the famous Christmas carol, “A Christmas Carol” (ooh holidays combining! Throwback to Chrismukkah- O.C Season 1 anyone?) white jeans, a lot of chain necklaces and if we’re dreaming, a boxcut as seen here.

What we have with this costume is the announcement to all fellow trick or treaters, “I’m cultured AND socially conscious.” Because not only are you referencing classic english literature, but you are putting an environmental spin on it. If you do this costume right (and I know you will) you could probably write a college essay or two on it. “How I Educated My Peers on Halloween night: An Essay on Classic Literature and Candy” By: Julie Mitchell.

That is in fact how I got into college. Just replace A Christmas Carol with Crime and Punishment and Halloween with Valentine’s Day. Nevermind that people don’t dress up for that holiday, it was more of a concept piece. And no, I did not in fact have a boyfriend at the time. Thank you for asking.

3. Smokey the Bear

I KNOW I KNOW. You’re thinking, “Doesn’t he prevent Forest Fires? And isn’t this supposed to be about smoking?” To that I would say: Yes, he does prevent forest fires and YES this is about smoking. Also, stop questioning me, who doesn’t want to be a huge bear for one night of their life??

Yes, Smokey is a bear sent to protect the national forests from fires, you genius. (that’s not sarcastic, I fully expect that everyone who reads this site is a certified genius. You’re welcome.) HOWEVER Smokey is at heart just a large animal who doesn’t want anyone to get hurt by the effects of smoke/smokING and for that reason, I feel it is appropriate to include him in this list.

To be a giant bear you need dun dun dunnnn: a giant bear costume. To make sure everyone knows which giant bear you are specifically, (there’s a lot of them lumbering around out there) tie his signature green ascot around your neck, put on a hunter green mountie hat and adopt a sophisticated wisdom as you try to trade six tootsie rolls for a Reeses (Unfair trade smokey. Unfair trade).

4. Zombie Bride/Gypsy 

These costumes are going to be used no matter what; a study by Michigan State University proved that approximately 80% of all trick or treaters walking around on Halloween is one of these two things. So why not adapt them to be anti-smoking? Zombies are the living dead. So you could put some statistics about how many people smoking kills every year and pretend to be one. This is a little morbid yes, but it’s Halloween. It’s not like it’s Thanksgiving (think about that one for a moment).

Gypsies are wonderful dancers. Cigarettes are wonderful at causing cancer. You could make a beautiful twirling gypsy skirt full of bells and jewels and facts about cigarette use! Then twirl to your heart’s content. Sidenote: This is a good one to combine with Smokey, because gypsys and large bears compliment one another.

5. Someone you know who has quit smoking!!

They have accomplished something huge, which is usually who people dress up as for Halloween (and Britney Spears). Also this is good if you find your funds for a Halloween costume on the low side, because YOU DON’T NEED TO BUY ANYTHING! Like for example, lets say I was going to be my mom. All I would have to do is traipse downstairs, go into her closet, take out a few Chico’s jackets, maybe some house-slippers, an oversized metal necklace made of geometric shapes and poof! I’m done!! This could also be a fun costume because then you get to impersonate your mom around many people who probably know your mom. Fun fun fun. (I love my mom).

SO. Now that you have five ideas, go! Prosper! Get candy! But more importantly, help people QUIT/NOT START smoking! And even more importantly, get Justin Timberlake to start making music again! Jk. But seriously though.

1. Smoking near a trash can and throwing the cigarette on the ground. Talk about lazy.

2. Protesting corporations (aka Occupying) while giving money to tobacco companies. That’s not backwards at all.

3. Eating”healthy” or organic foods and then smoking a cigarette afterwards. Wow, you’re so healthy.

4. Putting on sunscreen and smoking at the beach. Girl, you’re gonna look dry and wrinkly anyway.

5. Believing that there are really ”All Natural Cigarettes”. Really though? All natural?

6. Smoking and wearing a Livestrong bracelet. You heard that smoking causes cancer, right?

7. Being “courteous” by cracking a window in the car while smoking. We can still smell the smoke, sir.

8. Spraying a ton of Axe body spray to cover up the smell of cancer…I mean cigarettes. We still smell you, buddy.

9. Constantly complaining about high cigarette prices….Cool story bro. Don’t buy them. 

10. Getting mad at a nonsmoker for saying that they don’t smoke. Sorry, I like to live. 

What are some other crazy things that smokers do?